Space Sprokets

"So you finally got a real job," Felton asked. Oddly, his question felt more like an affirmation than a question. Josh, another customer at Alliance Comics, said the same thing on my last day. So did my Dad.
"A real job." If by "real" you mean sitting in a boring, impersonalized, psychlogoiclly oppressive, odorless and gay cube for 8 hours…well, yes…I got a real job.
Those episodes of The Office and The Jetsons (the parts with Mr. Spacely) don't seem so funny anymore.
But it has 401k, they pay for my commute, I get 10% off anything they sell, they cover 85% of my health....so why does this workhorse have the longface? Maybe because he realizes the "fuck-it" part of his life is over and the, highly-overrated, adult portion has begun. Maybe because he realized that he's only 1 of 3 black people who are required on each floor of his job's building. Maybe, because that ratio continues on the subway: 6 blacks for every 35 whites are heading to their office job in downtown DC. Or, maybe it's because Ol' Nellie came from a place where everybody knew him and everybody wanted to know him. Now he needs a a badge to identify himself so security doesn't tackle him at the door.
Or maybe this soldier is just having trouble with the phalanx. He openly and whole-heartedly played the broke loser for 7 years, now he has to leave faux-counter-culture mentality and join the masses: waking up 6am to be at work by 8 (as opposed to 11:30am to be at work by noon), talking to his co-workers with a hair of percaution (as opposed to talking to his customers the same way he talks to his closest friends), hiding in the 4th floor bathroom just to fart as not to offend the cubicles nearby (as opposed to being a guilt-free adult when I please), be a complete and total young adult and being paid to do so (as opposed to being reprimanded, reviewed and reared like a child for forgetting to log numbers)...Who the hell thought that not liking your job but getting paid well for it was the correct path into adult life?!?!?!
It's only been 3 days --- but mark my words internet: I refuse to be cubed forever!

Planet Terror: A Second Look

Planet Terror: A Second Look
Directed by Robert Rodriguez
Starring Rose McGowan, Freddy Rodriguez, Josh Brolin, and more

No wonder the movie theatre market is staggering, the home theatre market provides so much insight and intimacy into the movie-going experience. Perfect example: Grindhouse.

For those who have lives, Grindhouse was Robert Rodriguez (From Dusk Til’ Dawn, Spy Kids) and QuentinTarantino’s (Kill Bill, Pulp Fiction) double feature/schlock-fest. It was two brand new movies, from two of modern cinema’s brightest…and it was for the price of one ticket and 3 hours of your time.

It didn’t do well at the box office…but cool people appreciated it. Naturally, it found a home on DVD.

I re-reviewed Quentin’s film Death Proof and (it took me a few months) but I combated all the Planet Terror snobbery and purchased Rodriguez’s movie, as well.

The continuing debate boils down to which film is better. But Rodriguez and Tarantino are two directors with similar taste but different approaches. In my initial review (after seeing it in the theatre), I favored Planet Terror over Death Proof. Then I flipped, a little, once Quentin’s film hit DVD. I was surprised by how rewatchable it was.

Now, that I am the proud owner of both films, I get it where the line is drawn. Death Proof plays better on DVD, because in typical Quentin-style, it’s more methodical (AKA not good for long sits in theatre chairs). Planet Terror plays better in theatres…

Director, Robert Rodriguez is a very kinetic filmmaker. His approach is shoot fast, ask questions later. Planet Terror makes this approach visible with each viewing. That is not to say that his film is choppy. It’s to say the film has an energy that Death Proof doesn’t possess when seeing it in theatres.

This is where Rodriguez is smarter than Quentin. The whole point of Grindhouse was to create a theatre-going experience. The type of film that Audiences can participate in. The film’s jokes, the film’s timing, the film’s action, even the film’s editing is all in an attempt to get the audience to become part of the film. He wants you to laugh at it often, and knowingly scoff at the exploitive nature of it.

He even goes out his way to hire actors with distinct voices and faces. This provides the viewer with a connection (for example when Bruce Willis, Tom Savini, or Tarantino, first appear on screen). They provide personality --- and despite what you may want to say about the B-Movies of your youth (for me it was stuff like Frankenhooker, Killer Clowns from Outer Space, and Toxic Avenger), the bad actors were always distinctive and personable.
Planet Terror is a success where Death Proof fails. Rodriguez makes a crowd-pleaser. Tarantino makes a Tarantino film (which is never bad) with a slow pay-off. Both play well on DVD and both will find a better life in the home theatre market.

Battle of the Sexist

Knocked Up
Directed by Judd Apatow
Seth Rogan, Katherine Heigl
Rated R for “crowning”

The definitive difference between men and women will never be given. Outside of (of course) the physical attributes neither side will openly agree why we are so damn different.

I finally gave up trying to sort it out this weekend. I have Knocked Up to blame for my defeat.

I saw Knocked Up in the summertime like the other blockbuster-dollars worth of people in the theatre. I loved the first time I saw it --- and with most things that I can’t complain about I never reviewed it. What is there to say? It’s good. It’s funny. It’s solid. That is all. Right?

No, apparently not. It’s come to my attention that women don’t like Knocked Up.

Not all women (course not). But within the last week I have been bombarded with female faces, scrunched up in disgust at the very mention of the movie. It started with my girlfriend, she told me she walked out of the theatre when she went to see it. I, being a male, assumed she was in a pissy mood somehow. Why else would she walk out of one of the best movies of the year (on a very short list)? Her reasoning wasn’t that she was easily offended (or she wouldn’t be with me) but that it wasn’t good. Hmmmmm…

I shared this info with a co-worker of mine. We frequently discuss pop culture on the job; it makes the slow days go faster and the process breezy. My co-worker revealed that he too knew a female acquaintance who didn’t like the movie.

Well, my theory is two times is a coincidence, three times is a trend. No sooner had I started thinking a little too much on this when I remembered that the King of “Righteous Indignation” hadn’t written a similar blog about this month’s prior:



So, now not only are feminists criticizing the movie --- but Katherine Heigl, the film’s star, is uncomfortable with the film?

Now, before I draw my own conclusion I’m gonna take another stab at this “Battle of the Sexes” thing.

I can’t speak for all men, but on the occasion that my male friends have explained to me an argument they have had with a girlfriend/ fuck-buddy/booty call/ wife/ ex-wife/ sister/ mother/senator --- it’s usually because the man’s response is realistic and the female wants an optimistic answer (also known as a lie). Men approach everything with low expectations and pessimism. It’s how we deal with life. Women, from my own personal experience, don’t wan’t the real answer. They want a sugary one. It’s the reason guys like War movies and women like Pop Music.

I know this might piss some people off. But think of it in these terms: Women want hope. Men? Want to be left alone.

And there is why Knocked Up is apparently a problem for the Double-Xers. Knocked Up is honest --- Too honest. Admittedly, it’s more concerned with the Male side of pregnancy -- but not by much --- and how often do we get, exclusively, just the female side of pregnancy in a film. It just might be too realistic for some women. Seth Rogan isn’t Prince Charming, people have babies by accident, people have drunken unprotected sex, woman do believe they have the right to say things even if they know they are wrong, and, yes, guys do need to be alone or with their friends. Truth be told.

And just like Katherine Heigl, I think it’s male frankness will make women uncomfortable at times. To which my male brain says, “This is good.”

Knocked Up is a rarity. It’s a coming-of-age film that dares to be too honest. It feels real and never Hollywood. I’d clump it together with Dazed and Confused, Clerks, and Almost Famous. Those movies were about losing naiveté. Moving into another period in your life. And most times that transition is rough. Sometimes you can’t decide when you make that transition and, Man or Woman, we all fool ourselves into thinking we can…