Starring Hugh Jac.k.man, Live Schr.i.eber, Ryan Rey.n.olds, and Will.i.am.
Directed by Gavin Ho.o.d
MWS---EHG
Fox Studios
Century City, CA May 1st, 2009.
Mr. Tom Rothman
Century City,
California.
To Mr. Tom Rothman and Jim Gianopulos, Heads of Fox Studios:
I hope this information has not arrived to you late.
You do not know me and I would like to remain anonymous, but I am just a concerned moviegoer who has labored over endless amounts of evidence in the name of justice…
Recently, your studios fell victim to the evils of piracy. An unfinished copy of the film titled Wolverine 4 --- I mean, X-Men Origins: Wolverine was leaked to the Internet. With anticipation, I have followed your investigation (as well as the MPAA and the FBI) to smoke out this digital Captain Hook, this cyberbully who prematurely unveiled your studio’s latest cinematic masterpiece. Seemingly, the blame could have been placed on any number of people. I, similar to your own studios investigations, deduced that the Wolverine leak must have come from within the production itself. You made a brilliant accusation that Rising Sun Pictures (a Special FX house out of Australia) had been responsible, but ultimately that lead to a dead end. Once that happened I began conducting my own investigation…
I think I discovered who leaked the Wolverine film.
I present to you Exhibit A:
Yes, in order to better understand my prey, I did indeed watch the X-Men Origins: Wolverine leak. Wisely, director Gavin Hood opted to cast Ryan Reynolds as the character of Deadpool. This was quite ideal, but even more ideal was the film’s finale in which Deadpool has the powers of Cyclops, Nightcrawler, and a boxcutter. In a moment somewhat reminiscent of the Darth Maul fight in (another Fox masterpiece) Star Wars Episode 1: The Phantom Menace, Deadpool is beheaded and falls into a dark shaft-thingy.
This image provided is from the April 1st 2009 cover of Deadpool # 9 published by Marvel Comics. This issue arrived in stores the same week of the film’s leak. On the surface, this cover image may seem mundane, the result of the cover artist echoing a moment inside the comic itself, however, this moment never happens in the book. It does however echo the fight with Deadpool/PredAlien from the Wolverine film (not to mention the irony of it being released on April 1st).
Still not convinced, Mr. Rothman? Mr. Gianopulos? Are you wondering what I’m getting at? Allow me to present Exhibit B:
This is the cover image for Utlimate Hulk vs. Wolverine #4, also published by Marvel Comics. This time, my theory doesn’t focus on the exterior of the book, but the interior. Towards the middle of this title (which I am quick to point out features Wolverine as one of the title characters) a fictional female scientist travels to China to sell a pirated copy of the very real Star Trek movie that will be hitting theatres one week after the May 1st release of X-Men Origins: Wolverine.
Are you following me, Mr. Rothman, Mr. Gianopulos? No? Here, I’ll explain, sirs…
In a moment of irony, Marvel Comics stole X-Men Origins: Wolverine from you. They are laughing at you, and they are leaving you clues within their own comics (the last place anyone involved in the Wolverine film would look) It is no big secret that since Iron Man became their first in-house success last year, they have been hell-bent on controlling their motion picture properties. Marvel has become bitter to the fact that your studio controls both the Fantastic Four and X-Men movie franchises. Clearly, they must have been upset about something in the Wolverine movie (what exactly, I have no idea) and leaked it to the Internet one month before the film’s theatre release.
However, Marvel did not act alone. Helping them orchestrate this act of piracy was, Lost producer, Damon Lindelof. No stranger to conspiracies, Lindeloff works for your network rival ABC (owned by Disney), he also is the writer of Utlimate Hulk vs. Wolverine for Marvel Comics.
Wait. I haven’t blown your mind yet…Lindeloff produces Lost with J.J. Abrams, the director of the upcoming Star Trek movie!
Don’t you see?!? Marvel made a deal with Lindeloff and Abrams to ensure, either, an opening week failure or a huge 2nd week drop-off for X-Men Origins: Wolverine. Their DARMA Initiative-esque plot was all so Abrams could score a huge opening week for Star Trek (which, as stated before, opens 7 days after your film, thus making it your direct opposition in the box office), and in turn, Marvel could stick it to the studio system that they have grown to loathe over the last several decades.
I think this evidence would hold up in a court of law, and falls squarely under the rights of the studio to protect their property from piracy. While I do wish to remain anonymous, I will allow my face to be recorded as a video witness, as long as my face is blurred out and my voice is changed to sound like Darth Vader. Also, if you could relay my findings to your cult leader/snake-god, Mr. Rupert Murdoch, it would be greatly appreciated.
Very respectfully,
Typographic Era
P.S. Did I forget to mention that they employed the espionage/martial arts-skills of Jennifer Garner to swipe the Wolverine workprint from your studio? Y’know, she played Sidney Bristow on Abrams’ show Alias and she also played Elektra in Marvel’s Daredevil movie…
Yeeaaaaaaaaah…it makes SO MUCH SENSE! I KNOW!
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