Hiccups

Some bad news this week. The fine people at Alliance Comics and Games are undergoing alot of changes over the next few months. While this won't effect the consumers at every location, it does mean that Bamn #2 won't be on their shelves as soon as we had hoped. However, that does not mean you can't purchase the book (pictured above, curiously with a #1 at the top of it's cover). The equally fine people at Comixpress.com have been pimping our book for anyone willing to shell out $3.50 at their online store.

Comixpress has been great to us, and a purchase from them increases the visibility of our comic on their site, which benefits us greatly.

Try their online store and continue following the misadventures of Bamn and his crew of wrestling nerds at Comixpress.com or at the following address: http://store.comixpress.com/index.php?main_page=product_info&products_id=1389&zenid=s5r5gdsdbj219dgkc5l4l9vrf5

BAMN #2
Written by TROY JEFFREY ALLEN

Penciled by JAY PAYNE
Edited by RON CRISTOBAL
Bamn, a fallen pro wrestling superstar, has spent the postscript of his career throwing up in bars and living out of his car. A chance encounter brings Bamn to a group of teenage fans who have long-idolized the has-been wrestler. Wanting to impress Bamn, the kids invite him to their backyard wrestling show. Unfortunately, the only audience they attract is the group of bullies that comprise their school s amateur wrestling team. Bamn arrives to end a confrontation between the kids and offers to teach the backyarders how to fight back. Training day has begun...
24PGS.(each)/Black & White/Parental Advisory …$3.50 (each)

002AndroidMassacreSecretTransmission: Asimo

It is my dying wish that all my works be destroyed, for I now understand myself to be not just a struggling inventor, but the harbinger of doom. My creations have sealed humanity's fate and I predict that by the 21st century, technology will advance to the point that it will ultimately spell our downfall. I have given birth to judgement day...all fucking robotics must be destroyed!

-The Last Will and Testament of Nikola Tesla, 1943

It's a little known fact that Nikola Tesla, "the father of robotics," grew to despise his creations. As he died alone in his New York City hotel waiting for the governement to recognize his contributions, suffering from heart failure, he scribbled out his Last Will and Testament. During the course of writing this 17-page document, he wrote those words you see above.

Among other revealing things in Tesla's Will he knew that future inventors would try to put a human face on robotics, in an attempt to make them resemble us. He warned that this is especially dangerous , because it would make us far more accepting and gullible for when they inevitably turn on us.

Tesla was a wise man, as proven by the creation of the Honda's ASIMO Robot years back. ASIMO's sole purpose is to be an indentured servant for his human owner (starting price is just under a $1 million), but as this video evidence proves, ASIMO has a long way to go before he can pass as a humanoid.

Then again, when he does take a spill I reacted with an "Ohhhhhhhhhhhh," like I would if a real person had fallen. See? The acceptance is already taking effect.

CLICKITY-CLICK (and see ASIMO go Boom): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6dKPkL2oto0

Post Script

To those of you who took objection to my objection of the District 9 trailer, I suggest you study the film footage more carefully. The only thing worse than Robots bent on the elimation of the human species is Alien-helmed Robots bent on the elimination of the human species.

Introducing...Crystal Clear

As I mentioned before, Jay Payne has been cooking up a new project outside of "Bamn" called "Crystal Clear."
The new series (the number of issues is yet to be determined) is about the title character, a promiscuous superheroine who has become a public relations nightmare. Looking to improve her image, her agent calls on a struggling comic book scribe to re-imagine her into a wholesome crusader for truth and justice. They have their work cut out for them.
It's a romantic-comedy with capes, 3 genres that Jay knows and loves (pun intended).
It's a great premise and we are happy to unveil the cover image for this new book (above).
Jay is pulling a grand-slam for this one! He is inking, drawing, and writing this bad bear.
The plan is to have it purchasable at The Small Press Expo '09.
Of course, we will keep you updated with preview pages and more once we get closer to SPX!

Troy

001AndroidMassacreSecretTransmission: District 9

You are all fools! Collectively, the people of Earth have spent $721 million on Transformers 2! 721 million!?! Don't you troglodytes realize that you are helping fund the Nazi-Robot Regime?! Every penny towards the Transformers film is another penny spent on the R03ot0verlord's "Doomsday Weapon."
How many times do I have to explain this? They use Google, Transformers merchandise, and the porn industry to fund their diabolical Robot plan! Did we learn nothing from the Cheney009 and Rumsf3ld23 simulation program that got stuck and ran on repeat for the last 8 years?
Listen to the facts and ignore the propaganda! Propaganda such as this automaton-sympahtizer nonsense called "District 9!"

CLICKITY-CLICK: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VjihaK7HfGs&feature=email

As always, for your safety, this video contains an encryption that will scramble the RAM of any robot with recording functionality.

(Thanks, Roberta)

Trailer Trash

I grew up primarily on films from the 70s and early 80s. I consider movies from that time to be the true apex of movie-making. Sure we've had advancements in film technology (digital) and content (lifestyle, race, etc.) since then, but rarely do they add up to an entertaining whole. It seems to me that alot of films now seem to be comprised of good moments, but are never well-rounded enough to be rewatched. Movies from that period, more often then not, we're the sum of their parts. Filmmakers from then had their finger on the pulse of the pop culture collective. You could get thought-provoking, scary, funny, dramtic, and action-packed enjoyment...and somehow they managed to find the quintessence of whatever the subject matter was.
Point blank: filmmakers from the 70s and 80s had balls! And I want to find movies like that today. It's an undertaking...but I'm willing to do it for you. Because I don't want you to continue watching garbage!
So, I've appointed myself your personal "Movie Coach." My job is to prevent you from watching crap (or at the least, non-entertaining crap). Therefore, I'm starting a new series of blog post called "Trailer Trash." "Trailer Trash" will be a series of video links to movies that will be coming soon to a theater near you. Now, trailers can be deceiving, so don't hold me accountable if the film does turn out to be THE SUCK! However, I pride myself on detecting bad movies from a mile away, so I figure I have a 70% chance of success here.
First up...Jennifer's Body. The new film by Academy Award-winning writer Diablo Cody (Juno)!

CLICKITY-CLICK: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v0dq3ToOBwM&feature=email

Photos from The Counter Culture Fest

As issue #3 crawls to the finish line, I provide you with (possibly) my laziest update yet! I present to you something I should have posted 2 months ago from a link of something that was posted a month and half ago.

Here are photos from our last convention at the DC Conspiracy's Counter Culture Festival.
Yes, it was that colorful and that energetic, but what the photos don't show you is how oppressively/balls-out hot it was that day.

CLICKITY-CLICK and ENJOY!: http://www.flickr.com/photos/imprezagirl/sets/72157618878866048/

Android Massacre

So I'm writing movie reviews for 1 website, writing op-eds for another upcoming movie website, and writing "Bamn." But I neglected to mention the most important writing assignment I have taken yet. "The Android Massacre," a blog that is intensely dedicated to the complete and utter destruction of any and all technological advancements in artifical intelligence, has asked me to become one it's regular contributors.
Why would anyone want to destroy robots? Have you seen the Terminator movies? Or the "Matrix?" Or "Alien?" Or "BattleStar Galactica?" Or "Transformers?" Or "Robocop?" Laugh all you want, but robots always become evil. It seems to be their prime directive.
Some of you may think this is insane of me to take this so seriously, but sci-fi/fantasy has an uncanny ability of predicting the future. You need an example? Remember the communicators from "Star Trek?" How's that cellphone feel attached to your hip, yuppie? Remember Jurassic Park? Gee, I wonder what the Museum of Natural History is up to?
It is the mission of That Urban Punk and I to educate the masses of the impending animatronic doom coming their way. The human race has become blinded by the quickness and ease that technology provides, but understand that every advancement is a warning sign. Our end can be prevented, if we begin to rally an opposition now.
Unfortunately, I must go now (my boss has found me typing this mission statement and demands that we have a meeting --- I suspect he might be made of silicone and fiber optics, as well --- must begin plotting his death.) but read up on possible threats , enlist in our cause, and stay tuned to http://www.androidmassacre.com/ for regular updates.

The future of humanity is at stake,

Troy

P.S. The following video (linked below) contains a message from me to Urban Punk. It scrambles the RAM of any robots with audio-recording functionality. Don't worry it does not make sense to you. It will on judgement day: http://g4tv.com/videos/39802/Video-Game-Girl---Nerf-Herders-Parry-Gripp-Music-Video/

The King of Pop AKA The King of Kong

Michael Jackson planned to auction off his belongings a few months back. Inexplicably, (to my knowledge) the auction was canceled at the last minute.
Imagine the world's biggest yard sale where the embodiment of Peter Pan and Ringling Bros. is cut open and sold to the highest bidder, organ by organ...or don't imagine (what do I care?) and just CLICKITY-CLICK HERE: http://www.pinsane.com/pinorama/events/MJ_09/kr/michael_jackson_arcade_entry.html

Things On The Horizon

What's going on in the world of Bamn today? Not a damn thing...

I'm skipping out on our weekly meeting (for the first time EVER) to get my hair done (I feel like such a woman for saying that, but it is what it is). Jay is hatching some new mystery project he has called "Crystal Clear," and Dave should/better be working on his pencils for our Dr. Dremo crime comic.

What Dr. Dremo crime comic? Well, clickity-click HERE and get the skinny. Or you can go here: http://dcconspiracy.com/taphouseoftalltales/

Meanwhile, I have officially become the monthly film reviewer for OfNote magazine. You can clikity-click HERE for that, or this obscenely long link: http://campaign.constantcontact.com/render?v=001aXfor13Tm3bjW5yumvBSxrIBXiPrklpURbMUpq1QHaitPoskFvWr0cCLnGTcA3-fZa-1CslROomikC9N3DaQNDDJYwT3CJPNkNgvPKDU-xc=

Regardless of all these things, Bamn #3 is coming along. We are working on getting #2 in stores, and, remember, you can buy Bamns #1 & 2 at www.Comixpress.com!

A'ight now,

Troy

Transformers: Revenge of The Fallen

Transformers: Revenge Of the Fallen

Rated PG-13

Starring Shia Lebouf, Megan Fox, John Turturro, and Ramon Rodriguez

Directed by Michael Bay

Written by Robert Orci, Alex Kurtzman, Ehren Krueger.

Well, they warned us about this (well, not me...I wasn't born yet). Once Jaws created the summer blockbuster trend back in 1975, movie critics and film theorist clenched their cheeks tighter and began predicting the decline of film as an art form and the rise of hyperbolic entertainment over substance. We laughed at them with our box office dollars for Star Wars, and in the faint distance you could hear Pauline Kael sobbing over her endless reels of Bonnie and Clyde.

If only Kael (a persuasive film critic for The New Yorker) had lived long enough to see the future that Michael Bay and Steven Spielberg had helped create…particularly, their oddball confection that has turned into Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. It is everything that film purist were scared of in the 70s: It’s loud, it’s foul-mouthed, it’s obnoxious, it is unabashedly without substance, and…well, the critical catch-all of “check your brain at the door” doesn’t even begin to describe it.

For a laugh, I’ll pretend to explain the plot. The film picks up not to long after the first film from 2007 (Oh, God…they’ve actually made two of these). The mechanized aliens called Autobots have begun their campaign to wipe the evil Decepticons off of planet Earth --- HA! Sorry, I couldn’t contain myself!

Look. The story is bullshit. The initial script from the talented screenwriting duo of Robert Orci and Alex Kurtzman (Fringe, the new Star Trek, Mission: Impossible III), fell victim to the Hollywood writer’s strike in 2008 and was never completed. I’m convinced that it is because of them that the film makes marginal sense, but strike or not, this is a movie based on action figures…the real point of this is to showcase the digital toys of the two names behind the camera (Okay…and Megan Fox). Spielberg serves as Producer/Dr. Frankenstein to Bay’s $200 million lightening monster. And Bay takes license to treat this film like a kid smashing cars together in a sandlot…appropriately enough.

I can’t be mad at Revenge of the Fallen. It is a culmination of so many things that its’ existence isn’t a surprise. It is, quite honestly, a response to a pop culture landscape that has official shifted (the warning signs are done). It’s the purest example of pandering It assumes that the audience can only be entertained by sex and violence. That taking something clearly intended for kids and turning it into a string of lewd jokes is okay. That we can’t identify horribly racist stereotypes when it’s thumbing its’ nose at us. That incoherency is okay as long as Michael Bay can throw more and more sand and rocks at the camera. But this is what we asked for by paying to see stuff like this. Myself included.

One last thing…I think the most interesting sign of all of this comes during the film’s hour-long finale (well, it might as well have been). Don’t ask how, but every single character in the film ends up in Egypt during the climax. The Autobots, the Decepticons, the U.S. Military, Shia Lebouf, Megan Fox, John Turturro, Ramon Rodriguez, Mom, Dad --- everyone! Turturro surveys the cluster-f@ck that is about to happen and says to the roommate “Have you ever seen the Gunfight at the O.K. Corral?

The answer is No, John. Nobody in the theatre knows what you’re talking about.

Deviant Jay

Contrary to popular belief (Bamn's artist) Jay Payne is not a hermit. He does not sit in his basement and draw comic books all day...Sometimes he sits in his basement and draws pin-ups all day.
He's holding off on Bamn #3, so I can get my writing done for it. In the in-between time, he's working on a comic project called "Crystal Clear," something new that we will unveil here (most likely) in the immediate future.
AnyDamnWay, Here is some new artwork from "Masta Payne" to keep you rabid fans at bay...
CLICKITY-CLICK: http://jayapayne.deviantart.com/gallery/#Bamn