[Bamn] "Poledance" by Jay Payne

Jay, we need to talk.

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[Safe For Work] Defendor trailer

Pretty certain this preceded the Kick-Ass movie. Regardless, it looks pretty entertaining...

[Android Massacre] The No. 1 Most Wanted

 Pay attention, maggots! Recognize the signs, read your AM doctrines, and suit up for the fight of your life…the Android Massacre has made a list of the 10 Most Wanted people/things that will ultimately turn the tide in favor of the robot slave masters. A new name will be added to the list every Monday for the next several weeks...and as always, if you encounter any of these individuals, PLEASE proceed with caution.
Today at Number 3 is...?.

The Rest of the List

[Comic Book Review] Umbrella Academy: Apocalypse Suite

Umbrella Academy: Apocalypse Suite Vol. 1 TPB
Written by Gerard Way
Art by Gabriel Ba
Dark Horse
$17.99

It's kind of silly to think that if you pull the rug from under a superhero he still won't fly, yet plenty of the recent crop of superhero comics seem to want to expose the genre. Somewhere around reading about superhero sex orgies in The Boys and Sue Dibny being raped in the JLA Watchtower, I've begun to grow tired of all these "realistic" takes on the capes and cowls, and have been wanting to read something that isn't necessarily traditional ('cause that alternative can be just as bad), but doesn't seem to hate the super man. Surprisingly, the answer came from Gerard Way (of My Chemical Romance…some band that I'll now have to stop ignoring) and Brazillian artist Gabriel Ba. Their book, Umbrella Academy, is the perfect antithesis.

Part Uncanny X-Men, part Royal Tennenbaums, and part Tim Burton, this scoop of comic book ice cream (Oreo cookie ice cream, to be exact) tells the tale of 7 super powered little bastards raised by a disguised alien/world-renowned scientist by the name of Reginald Hargreeves. Why? "To save the world, of course," Hargreeves responds to the press. But while his intentions may seem noble, grabbing orphans and forcing them into a fake family environment proves to be more problematic than saving humanity from time paradoxes, murder bots, and the Eiffel Tower (?!).

If my review comes off screwy and abridged…well, that's how the Umbrella Academy 's story unfolds. Writer Gerard Way has clearly read all the right comic books (as a forward by comic's own Grant Morrison confirms), accumulated enough angst, and benefited from a Fine Arts education (specifically, music, of course), because his superfamily adventure is concise and windswept. Way and artist Gabriel Ba manage to waltz around the conventions of the genre, opting to be quirky instead of mean-spirited. Others could take note.

[Safe For Work] Runaways

Wait. Is that Dakota Fanning?
(Cherry Bomb is a great song, by the way.)

[Bamn] Sorry.

Well, this is ironic...1 week after I thanked everyone for their support and kind words, I have to follow it up with a "sorry" to many of those exact same people.

Hm...okay, how do I explain this? Well, every time I post one of these updates to BamnCan.com it goes into this magical place called "the enter-nets." The enter-nets sends it to this thing of mine called "electronic mail" and Bamn's "Facebook: A Great Place to Make Friends" page. Automatically, my electronic mail gets forwarded to my friends, family, associates, and Eric Yates. Meanwhile, over at Facebook: A Great Place to Make Friends that same blog post goes on Bamn's Facebook: A Great Place to Make Friends page for all those @$$holes who play Mafia Wars to see. (Seriously, does anyone play that game?)

Apparently, the enter-nets ate something bad and posted all the electronic mail addresses that go to my electronic mail account to that Facebook: A Great Place to Make Friends page I mentioned earlier.

Opps.

But no worries, friends, I found the delete option on Facebook: A Great Place to Make Friends and removed your e-mail addressed from the page. Your names were not attached to them, but your e-mails were, so, if you get inundated with ads for penis enlargement pills, blame me...or use them. Whatever helps your deflated ego, you sad little man.

Sorry,

Troy

P.S. Thanks for the heads up, Michael.

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[Safe for Work] Regen

So, I like things that go boom (also, the dialogue isn't bad for a 4 minute short): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HCuXylfYXCI&feature=popular

[Android Massacre] The No. 2 Most Wanted

Pay attention, maggots! Recognize the signs, read your AM doctrines, and suit up for the fight of your life…the Android Massacre has made a list of the 10 Most Wanted people/things that will ultimately turn the tide in favor of the robot slave masters. A new name will be added to the list every Monday for the next several weeks...and as always, if you encounter any of these individuals, PLEASE proceed with caution.
Today at Number 3 is...Japan.

The Rest of the List

[Safe For Work] Robert Rodriguez's "Predators" sneak peek

I love the original Predator. Love it! So simple, so violent, so chock full of testosterone, so balanced, so re-watchable, so undeniably 80s...so Ah-nuld! Too bad it never got a sequel that recognized why the first one worked so well. Hopefully, Robert Rodriguez (Planet Terror, Sin City, Desperado, From Dusk Til Dawn) has figured out the formula. This video (along with Rodriguez's tendency to make stylistic, instantly satisfying, easily digestible action films) gives me hope. The motley crew cast is a good start: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f77rFJD00kg

[Safe for Work] Ms. Tallica

"Hell yeah, I'm a dirty white boy!"
-Meatwad, Aqua Teen Hunger Force
Soulessly created by drug abusing Brits and angry American drunks for the purpose of being drug abusing Brits and angry American drunks, Heavy Metal has since become a mere shadow of it's former self. The genre's heroes have all but sobered up and/or died, leaving something that is kinda laughable in their wake.
Fortunately, there are some who are still trying to keep the flame of Heavy Metal burning blackest, groups such as, Goblin Cock (heh), Trivium, or A Perfect Circle...y'know bands that make you forget that Metallica is making you feel embarrassed for them.
Speaking of Metallica, MissTallica, an all girl cover band, is scheduled to be the opening act for Anvil at the 9:30 Club here in DC on March 20th. It may be worth checking out because, (let's face it) nowadays, the girl rockers do less whining than the male ones.
Clickity-Click: http://www.myspace.com/misstallicaband

[Bamn] Thanks.

I feel like I don't say this enough, but I wanted say "Thanks" to all of you who continue to ask us about the next issue. The Bamn book continues to be a learning experience for all of us involved, and when you approach us about the progress it reminds us that you do care. At this point in our (sorta) comic book career, encouragement means a lot. With me working so there is money to be spent on the production of Bamn, Jay and Ron playing the role of perfectionist in order to make sure the book comes out looking as best as possible, and life being inconsiderate and tripping us up from time to time, it's good to know that even if you don't stay up at night wondering when the next issue is coming, that you at least feign interest when you talk to us. It proves that we do have a responsibility not just to ourselves but to you to not just be another example of missed opportunities...to not be those guys who start something that was never finished.
At times, when it comes to the creative process, it can be tough to keep your eye on the prize. I have a million ideas for other stories, a million other responsibilities that have to be tended to, but at the end of the day Bamn has to take priority...because all my/our ambitions start with this little nugget. If this book doesn't get done...then what's the point of making a comic book? What's the point of investing the energy if you don't see it to the end? What's the point of sending these blogs out and spamming your e-mail boxes with updates if I'm just going to fail at this? There is no point. That's scary, but your interest reminds me/us of that.
So, again...thanks. There is more to come.

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[Movie Reviews] Black Dynamite

Black Dynamite

Directed by Scott Sanders

Written by Michael Jai White, Scott Sanders, and Byron Minns

Starring Michael Jai White, Salli Richardson-Whitfield, Bookem Woodbine, Chris Spencer, Arsenio Hall, Mike Starr, Kym Whitley, Nicole Ari-Parker, Miguel Nunez, Obba Babatunde, and Tommy Davidson

While Black Dynamite may not mark the resurgence of the Blaxploitation genre nor the Black film satire, it is a much-appreciated step in a different direction.

Michael Jai White plays Black Dynamite (First name “Black,” last name “Dynamite”) a pimp/vigilante/ex-Black Ops/ex-Viet Nam vet whose brother is killed in a CIA undercover operation. Dynamite swears to find those responsible for his baby brother’s death, fortunately for the film’s amusing revenge plot, Dynamite’s convictions are as confused as his origin, resulting in one misadventure after another.

Michael Jai White (Spawn, The Dark Knight) has shown glimmers of comedic stamina in other films (Tyler Perry’s Why Did I Get Married?, for example), but he has never been better than he is here as the title’s Kung-Fu Cracker killer. He’s supported by a cast filled with comedians, but also filled with dramatic black performers (IS THAT BUBBA GUMP?!) who have obviously been itching to do something outside of the current Hollywood wheelhouse. Accompanied by the hilariously clumsy action scenes, it’s their straight-faced delivery of the chuckling dialogue that allows the film to get by with a wink and a smile, even during its’ slow points.

The satire genre has been disappointingly absent from black film. Nowadays, it is very rare to get films like Hollywood Shuffle, Undercover Brother, and I’m Gonna Get You, Sucka. They’ve all been too quickly replaced by an overabundance of ghetto tragedies and heavy-handed Tyler Perry vehicles. That’s what makes Black Dynamite such a kick, it is paying homage to not just the films of the 70s, but also recognizes the spoofs what followed in the wake of Blaxploitation’s platform shoes.

[Android Massacre] The No. 3 Most Wanted

Pay attention, maggots! Recognize the signs, read your AM doctrines, and suit up for the fight of your life…the Android Massacre has made a list of the 10 Most Wanted people/things that will ultimately turn the tide in favor of the robot slave masters. A new name will be added to the list every Monday for the next several weeks...and as always, if you encounter any of these individuals, PLEASE proceed with caution.
Today at Number 3 is...Stephen Hawking.

The Rest of the List

[Movie Review] Shutter Island

Shutter Island

Directed by Martin Scorsese

Written by Laeta Kalogridis from a Dennis Lehane novel

Starring Leonardo DiCaprio, Mark Ruffalo, Ben Kingsley, Max von Sydow, and Michelle Williams

What can you say about a masterful director who continues to make great films? Not much.

In Shutter Island, Leo DiCaprio (who is slowly starting to convince me that he is an actor of caliber) plays Teddy Daniels, a US Marshall shipped to investigate a “missing persons” in an asylum that serves as the last stop for the criminally insane. If they can’t help you on Shutter Island, then there is no hope for you, but “help” may come at a price when there are rumors of mistreatment and government experimentation on the inmates. But if the staff is in on it, the patients are all delusional, and there is nobody to bail you out for miles and miles…what’s to stop the medical staff from diagnosing you?

Martin Scorsese knows psychosis. With Robert DeNiro on board, Scorsese’s fervent examinations of Jake La Motta (Raging Bull), Travis Bickle (Taxi Driver), Rupert Pupkin (King of Comedy), and Max Cady (Cape Fear) are some of the best put to film. Shutter Island is no exception. While the performances of DiCaprio, Ruffalo, Kingsley, von Sydow, and Williams are all haunting (no small feat with all these familiar faces), it is Scorsese’s guiding hand that turns this spiral. The director uses all the old tricks, but with a master’s touch (pay particular attention to the use of lighting as a storytelling tool), creating an intense psychological thriller that puts M. Knight Shyamalan’s best efforts to shame.

[Bamn] Making the Rounds.

Jay, Jay, Jay...shame on you. You're supposed to be finishing up Bamn #3, not making Mass Effect 2 fan videos on YouTube. Maaaaaaaan, if there one thing I hate more than robot-Bono, it's YouTube fan videos. They are worst than getting Rick Rolled. Argh! (Good work though.): http://www.youtube.com/user/4r53nic#p/u
Meanwhile, I, on the other hand, have been working diligently to keep Bamn's name and face in the pop cultural lexicon...one of my favorite TV shows, Channel 4's The IT Crowd is scouring the internet for geek-friendly materials to use as background for their show. Specifically, indie comics. I went ahead and submitted Bamn, as well as, some DC Conspiracy stuff to their "Support" team on Twitter. Let's hope this means that those fancy-talkin' Britons will be subliminally wanting Bamn after watching a few episodes of the show.
Now get back to work!

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Posted By Contact us at BamnCan@hotmail.com to Bamn at 3/08/2010 12:21:00 PM

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[Safe for Work] Since there is a new Gorilaz album today...

Well, there is...

[Android Massacre] All Robots Must Die!!!!!!!!!!

Things have been busy at the AndroidMassacre.com, and now more than ever, robots are oiling their pants as we speak...
First up, Operative 9 has survived his trip through time intact, but the rest of the displaced members of the Human Resistance have not. Click the link for answers to your future: http://www.androidmassacre.com/2010/03/some-were-lost.html

Up next, the Android Massacre's Most Wanted List reaches it's 4th target. Who is it...or should I say who are they? Watch your back: http://www.androidmassacre.com/

Finally, Operative 9 isn't just concerned with saving humanity from the Ro3otoverlord. If necessary, he will save humanity from themselves: http://www.androidmassacre.com/2010/02/get-your-head-rightor-i-will-do-it-for.html

[Comic Book Reviews] Kick-Ass

Kick-Ass

Written by Mark Millar

Art by John Romita Jr.

$19.99

Marvel/Icon

Stories by Mark Millar (Ultimates 2, The Authority: New Management, Wolverine: Enemy of the State) have always bordered on the side of wicked. His work on The Ultimates featured an incest angle between Magneto’s children, his stint on the Trouble mini-series suggested that Aunt May was an oversexed teenager who became pregnant with the child that would become Spider-Man, and his introductory arc on Ultimate X-Men showed Jean Grey willfully cheating on Cyclops and sleeping with Wolverine. Clearly, Millar enjoys pillaging the superhero mythos as much as he likes belonging to it…but all that was just preamble for Kick-Ass.

Bound by nobody’s continuity but his own, Kick-Ass feels like it could’ve been Mark Millar’s final word on the superhero genre. The recent trade collects the first 8 issues of the Millar/John Romita Jr. series. Equally a middle finger and homage to capes, it tells the demented story of Dave Lizewski, an accurately modern comic book nerd who desperately wants to become a costumed vigilante. In the real world, where nothing spectacular happens, Dave has trouble understanding why someone hasn’t swooped into save the day. So, he attempts to do it himself. Calamity ensues, but the end result brings forth copycats (all with damaged personalities). This brings up an even bigger issue for Dave and his wannabe Justice League…how can a do-gooder exist in a world that is spiteful and filled with narcissism. Answer? Kick ass.  

While Millar’s writing seems to enjoy bloodying the nose of the superhero genre, it’s John Romita Jr. who actually has to draw it. Surprisingly, Romita (probably the most traditional artist working steadily in contemporary comics) is up to the challenge. The 2^nd generation artist has always been great at intense action, but here he adds a level of gore that I’ve never seen from him before. Without the safety of flight, alien rings, or mutant powers, the violence in Kick-Ass can get pretty ridiculous…so ridiculous, in fact, that the small corner of my brain that is politically correct forced me to close the book as I was reading it on the subway.

Romita’s intensity is a surprise, but Millar’s words are even more vivid. The writer is fully aware and totally defiant. He recognizes the escapist joy of superheroes, but he can see how perverse it is (even poking fun of some of the inherently gay aspects). For that reason, the book will delight the stereotypical fanboys (you know who you are…then again, maybe you don’t) on a base level and gain a lot of knowing chuckles from the more discerning geeks. As for those of you who are not a part of the sub-culture at all…I’d say wait for the movie, but judging by the faithfulness of the film’s trailers, it’ll probably end up polarizing general audience the same way Watchmen did.

[Bamn] I'm never wrong, I just don't pay attention...

The other day, I called DCC's upcoming newspaper project "The Silver Bullet." It's actually called "The Magic Bullet," a reference to something from the X-Files TV show and, of course, JFK's assasination. Now you know and knowing is...a bad Nicholas Cage movie.

Bye now.

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[Android Massacre] The No. 5 Most Wanted

Pay attention, maggots! Recognize the signs, read your AM doctrines, and suit up for the fight of your life…the Android Massacre has made a list of the 10 Most Wanted people/things that will ultimately turn the tide in favor of the robot slave masters. A new name will be added to the list every Monday for the next several weeks...and as always, if you encounter any of these individuals, PLEASE proceed with caution.
Today at Number 5 is...Bono.

The Rest of the List